I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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