you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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