I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
