I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
