whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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