I hope mine doesn't look like that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
