I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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