i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
