I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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