Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
