Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
