And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
