I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
