Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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