The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize