I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
