Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
