Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
