We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
