I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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