i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
