I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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