im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
