i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
