Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
