Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
