two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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