he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
