We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
