I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
