I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
