while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
