I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
