capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
