The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
