Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
