New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
