Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
