I want you more than these girls want KFC
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
