How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
