It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
