dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
