I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
