Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
