Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
