I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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