i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
