First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
