i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
