I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
