Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
