That's intense
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
