I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Enjoy the penises
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
