haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
