Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
