i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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