Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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