Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize