he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
