Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
