I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
