I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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