we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
