we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
