butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
