So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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