she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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