My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
