your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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