Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
