miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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