He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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