i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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